I've seen it all

Still not convinced we're in the worst sports time of the year? Right now ESPN, the Mother Ship, the original is airing the 2005 Alka-Seltzer US Open of Competitive Eating. Competitive eating. Let that sink in a moment. Competitive eating. Right now the announcers are breaking down the consistency of the cheese fries. This is unreal.

"He's overstuffing the mouth. He's at a dead stop. He's done for."

Are you serious??!!! This has to be the lamest of the lame. How would you feel as an up and coming announcer for ESPN, and you get this? Wow, ESPN. You've made the big time.

"Um, Jim we have an assignment for you."

"Awesome! What is it? NFL training camp? Stretch run in baseball? The return of the NHL, post lockout?"

"Uh, not really. The Alka-Seltzer US Open of Competitive eating."

"..............."

The announcer just proclaimed competitive eating the fastest growing sport in the world. I can't believe this. The number two ranked eater in the US is some sixty-five year old man in a Hawaiian shirt.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm an professional athlete."

"What sport?"

"Eating."

Just found out that one competitor had a very large esophagus, a clear advantage. Well, obviously. This borders on the ridiculous. Heck, this just crossed the border faster than a Mexican with bolt cutters. Please, God.....let football season come soon. Please. The word of the day is "esophagus".